Clemson Solidifies Place as a Top-Tier Research University

Congratulations to Clemson University.

In one fell swoop, the Upstate land grant college succeeded in:

1. Establishing itself as a top national research university
2. Justifying exponential tuition increases while continuing to beg the state for more money
3. Cementing Jerry Seinfeld’s place as a 90s pop culture icon.

How?

Well, according to a recently released study, are you sitting down? OK, so according to the folks at Clemson, “The study indicates that plunging a chip twice in a bowl of dip after taking a bite in between can spread germs.”

I know. I can’t believe it either.

Apparently if you take a chip, dip it, stick it into an orifice even a first grader knows is one of the most contaminated places on earth, and then dip it again, the germs from your mouth contaminate the dip.

Fascinating.

There’s more. Professor Paul Dawson was not only “inspired about the ‘Seinfeld’ episode about double-dipping,” he said he was “very surprised by the results.”

That just made my head hurt.

Dawson told the media, that “it’s like kissing everybody at the party.” Of course if you’re like this guy and probably never kissed anybody at any party, it might be pretty cool.

He might be too busy mastering his domain to worry about it, though.

– Bo Burdette